


I find shelter, in this way

by camwolfe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 05:33:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5527871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camwolfe/pseuds/camwolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah, alright, so he asked the paramedic on a date. Hey, something good might as well come out of this clusterfuck of a night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I find shelter, in this way

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is not Christmas themed AT ALL but. here we are anyway
> 
> Warning for a car crash! and that's... it, I think. Other than hospitals and stuff like that. Let me know if there's anything else I should tag for!
> 
> Title from "Shelter" by Birdy.

Bucky turned in a slow circle.

“Excuse me, sir,” one of the sales associates called. She hurried up to Bucky, a smile on her face. “Can I help you find something?”

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky said. “I’m looking for an engagement present?”

“Wonderful!” the woman said. “Anything in particular?”

“Something… useful?” Bucky said, shrugging. “I don’t really know.”

“Well, let me show you some options,” she said. She bustled off, leaving Bucky to follow in her wake.

 

Twenty minutes later, Bucky stumbled out of the store with a giant cake mixer box cradled in his arms. It had been way more than he’d be planning on spending, but the lady had assured him that it was an ‘essential part of every happy home.’ Bucky wanted Clint and Nat to have a happy home, so here he was, staggering through an icy parking lot with a bulky cardboard box.

He had to put it down in the snow to get his car keys out of his pocket, and he hastily snatched it up again when he saw that the damp snow was already soaking through the cardboard.

After playing a minor game of tetris with the contents of his trunk, he managed to get the box nicely situated. He shut the lid and got into the car, pulling his phone out and checking his messages. He only had one new one, from Nat.

_Natasha: you better not be late barnes_

Bucky rolled his eyes and texted her back.

_Me: if im late its because I was buying you a present. It’s the present or me take ur pick_

He heard his phone beep again, but he’d already tossed it onto the passenger’s seat and started the car. He really was going to be late if he waited any longer.

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed out onto the highway. It was a quiet night, and the few cars he passed on the small road seemed to be in no hurry.

It was a boring drive, but the roads weren’t great. Bucky didn’t bother turning on the radio or fiddling with the heat. He needed to focus. The road wove its way through a thick forest, meaning that Bucky couldn’t see any other cars approaching from side roads. They all had yield signs, but Bucky had little faith in his fellow drivers.

He hoped that Clint and Nat would like their present. He’d never bought them such a responsible gift before. He’d bought Clint as a vibrator for last Christmas as a joke, which had backfired horribly when Clint decided to text him every time he used it as revenge. He’d bought Nat concert tickets, which she’d loved. The cake mixer he was bringing them now was practical. They’d use it. They’d have it for years to come.

It just felt strange, to –

Bucky glanced to the right as a flash of headlights caught his eye. He had a brief glimpse of a truck blowing through its stop sign and it was going to–

The impact of the truck hitting his car was forceful enough to knock the air out of him. His vision blurred as his car crumbled around him, the screech of metal loud enough to hurt. It was hot and bright and then it all –

Stopped.

Everything went grey and hazy for a little while. He was still there, but he… wasn’t.

Metal groaned around him, interrupting the quiet that had fallen. Bucky forced his eyes to open. His eyelids felt thick and heavy.

He was upside down, he thought. It was hard to tell, but he was pretty sure that his car was upside down. He was lying mostly on his stomach, his face pressed into the gravel of the road where the roof of his car had used to be.

He was still partially trapped in his seat, too, his seatbelt twisted around his hips. The entire car was crumpled around him, the majority of it over top of him.

Bucky blinked, and it hurt. There was smoke in his eyes, or dirt, or something.

Okay.

Okay.

He shouldn’t try and move, he knew that. He knew that. But. But he –

Was he paralyzed?

He had to check.

Bucky gritted his teeth and shifted his body experimentally.

He learned two things.

The first thing was that no, he wasn’t paralyzed. He could see his right foot move out of the corner of his eye. Okay. That was good. Alright.

The second thing he learned was that he was stuck.

His face was turned to the right, staring into the remnants of his car. He could see the road beyond it, but he couldn’t really lift his head to turn it to the left.

His arm and shoulder must be stuck, he thought. He couldn’t seem to move much of anything on that side, and also –

Also, he couldn’t feel it. He still had some sensation in his neck, but his left shoulder, arm, and back were just… quiet.

It didn’t hurt. It just felt thick, and cloudy.

Bucky drifted for a while. His body didn’t hurt, so that was good. He was cold, though. He was getting really cold. He was gonna be late for the party. Fuck, their gift was probably ruined. He’d have to get another one. Another cake mixer. That’s what he’d bought them, right? That seemed… too responsible. He should get them a trip to Venice or something. He didn’t have the money for that kind of present, but if he did, he’d get them that. They deserved it. They did. They… he was cold. He was uncomfortably cold. Maybe he should move. He should probably move. He needed… he was tired. He should –

He should –

He –

 

“Hey.”

“Hey, buddy? Can you open your eyes for me?”

“Yeah, I think so. No, no, don’t. Call them in. We’re gonna need it. Okay. I’ll keep trying.”

Bucky forced his eyes open. Someone was talking to him. It was rude not to reply. His mom had raised him better than that.

He was… in his car. Right. He was in what had used to be his car.

His body was cold.

There was someone lying on the ground, looking into his car through the gaping hole in the side. It was a man, one that looked to be about Bucky’s age.

“Hey!” the guy said, and smiled. “There you are.”

“Mmph,” Bucky said. His shoulder felt weird. It felt a little like it was asleep.

He tried to move, and the guy’s eyes widened.

“Hey, hey, no,” he said hurriedly. “You gotta stay still, alright?”

Bucky blinked at him, more of his awareness coming back.

He was surrounded by people now. He could hear the wail of sirens in the background, and the babble of people talking urgently. There were engines running and machines gearing up and –

Bucky was fucking terrified.

He could feel his breathing starting to come faster and faster. He needed to get out, he needed to get out of here –

“It’s okay,” the man said. “I know you’re scared, but it’s gonna be alright. Can you tell me your name?”

Bucky’s teeth were chattering.

“Bucky,” he said finally. His full name was going to be too hard.

“Bucky,” the man said, and smiled at him again. “That’s a cool name, haven’t heard that one before. My name’s Steve.”

“Nice to meet you, Steve,” Bucky mumbled, and then laughed. It was only slightly hysterical.

Steve was wearing a paramedic uniform, Bucky finally realized.

Steve laughed. “Nice to meet you, too. Okay, Bucky, I need you to answer some questions for me, okay? Can you do that?”

“Yep,” Bucky said, and gritted his teeth to try and stop them from shaking.

“Okay. Do you understand what’s happening right now?”

“Somebody hit me?” Bucky asked. He thought that’s what had happened. “And now… now I’m stuck.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Yeah, unfortunately that’s what’s happening. We’re gonna get you out though, okay? We’re working on it right now, and we’ve got more people coming to help. You’re gonna be out of there in no time.”

“Okay,” Bucky said. “Awesome. Thanks.”

He was cold.

Steve smiled again. “You’re doing great, Bucky. I need you to stay as calm as you can for me, okay? We’re gonna try to keep your heart rate low and keep you from moving as much as possible.”

“Sounds great,” Bucky mumbled through his chattering teeth. “Alright, I, I answered your questions. Can, can you do mine now?”

Steve paused and lifted his head a little, clearly listening to someone talking outside of the car.

“No, wait for Adamson and his team,” Steve said to whoever it was, and then laid back down so that he could see Bucky. “Sure, Buck. I’ll try my best.”

“The other person,” Bucky said, wincing as grit scraped against his face as he talked. “The one, the one who hit me. Is… are they okay?”

Steve’s face tightened slowly. “They’re fine.”

“You’re mad,” Bucky guessed. His chest felt tight. It was uncomfortable. God, he didn’t hurt, but he was so damn uncomfortable. “Why, why’re you mad?”

“I’m not,” Steve said automatically.

Bucky winked at him, and hoped that the effect still carried even though he could feel his own blood running down over his eyebrow. “I, I can, can r-read you like a book, Stevie.”

Steve laughed. “You just met me!”

“You’ve got a, an easy face,” Bucky managed to say.

“Thanks,” Steve said drily. “Okay, fine. Look, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but the guy who hit you is drunk.”

Bucky laughed, and then coughed. “Mother… motherfucker.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, a little more quietly. “Yeah. Okay, Bucky, can you tell me how your head is feeling right now?”

“It’s, it’s okay,” Bucky said. “’S not too bad.”

“Good!” Steve said. “That’s good.”

He ducked out again, and Bucky closed his eyes until he heard the sound of Steve crawling back under the side of the car again.

“Hey, Steve,” Bucky said, and forced himself to breathe in through his tight chest. “Why… why aren’t I hurting? No, wait, I… why am I not in pain? That’s, that’s better.”

His breath was coming a little faster. He was probably paralyzed. That’s why he couldn’t feel anything, that’s why –

“Bucky, can you take a breath for me?”

Bucky tried, he was trying so hard –

“Bucky,” Steve said, a little sharply. “You’re okay. You’re in shock right now. Do you know what that is?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, and bit his tongue when his teeth chattered a little too eagerly. “Trauma… trauma reaction?”

“Exactly.”

“Psych 101, finally, finally coming in handy,” Bucky said. Steve grinned at him.

“Your body is protecting you right now,” Steve explained. “It’s helping you stay calm until you can get somewhere safe. Honestly, if you were in agony right now, you probably wouldn’t be able to stay still, right?”

“Right,” Bucky said, and closed his eyes. “So, so I’m not paralyzed?”

“You’re gonna be fine,” Steve said, instead of answering. “Bucky, can you tell me your full name?”

“James,” Bucky managed to say. His eyes felt hot, and he didn’t want to open them. “James Barnes. But, don’t, don’t call my mom first, okay? She’ll freak, she’ll cry a lot. She, she lives in Florida, it’ll take her ages to get here anyway.”

“Alright,” Steve agreed. “Is there someone in particular you want me to contact?”

“Nat,” Bucky said automatically. “She – oh, fuck.”

“What?” Steve asked sharply.

“The party,” Bucky muttered. “I’m gonna, I’m gonna fuckin’ ruin their night.”

“Whose night?”

“Nat and Clint’s,” Bucky told them. “It’s their, their engagement party . That’s where I’m – where I was going.”

“Are they on your emergency contact list?”

“Think so,” Bucky mumbled. “Fuck. Fuck. Steve, can you, can you tell them that I’m real happy for them?”

“No,” Steve said. “You can tell them yourself when you get out of here.”

“But what if I – “

“No,” Steve said firmly. “Bucky, listen to me. We’re not going to do that, okay? I’ll call them for you, but you can tell them all that yourself.”

Bucky sighed, and opened his eyes. Steve was still staring at him, lying on his stomach a few feet away.

He was cute, Bucky decided. Steve’s face was half-covered in dirt from crawling under the car, but his eyes were a brilliant blue and his smile was so… genuine.

“Hey,” Bucky said, and coughed. He figured he didn’t really have much to lose at this point. “Are you single?”

Steve stared at him. “What?”

“Single,” Bucky repeated. “Are y… you dating anyone? Married?”

“Uh,” Steve said. “No?”

Bucky forced himself to grin, even though his face felt hot and strangely achey. “Do you wanna… wanna go for coffee when, when I get out of here then?”

“Are you asking me out?” Steve asked incredulously.

“Guess so,” Bucky said. “You saying yes?”

The corner of Steve’s mouth quirked up. “Guess so.”

Bucky grinned, and coughed again. His mouth tasted weird. “It’s a date.”

Abruptly, the car shifted around him, and Bucky heard himself scream from what felt like a distance.

It didn’t even feel like pain, still. It just felt like… like his shoulder was hot. Too hot. Too hot, and too deep. He was feeling things where he shouldn’t be.

Steve was shouting something, and abruptly the movement stilled again.

Bucky floated again for a while. It was quieter there. It was getting louder outside, though. There were more people there now, he thought.

It didn’t feel as wrong here. It was quiet. It was comfortable.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky. Hey, can you open your eyes again?”

“Come on, Buck, I’m gonna hold you to that date, alright? So I need you to wake up a little for me.”

Bucky moaned and forced his eyes to open. Steve’s face swam into view.

“Hey,” Steve said, and smiled. “Okay, everything’s going to start happening really quickly from here on out. When they get you free, we’re gonna get you into the ambulance right away and go from there.”

“Hurts,” Bucky managed to say. There were dark splotches swimming across his vision now.

“I know,” Steve said. He ducked his head back out for a moment and then crawled back in. “It’s not gonna be too much longer, okay?”

The ground was so cold against his body. Bucky tried to focus on that instead of the agony that was coursing through his shoulder and back, but it didn’t help.

A little more time passed, and the pain got sharper.

“Bucky?”

Bucky tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t make them focus. Everything was a blur.

“Okay, we gotta do it now. Ready? Three, two, one – “

There was a screech of metal above him, and the sounds of people shouting. Something hot burst through Bucky’s shoulder again, and then fresh air was swirling around him.

Bucky opened his eyes to see Steve scrambling towards him. Something thudded against him, and he felt hands pushing on the waves of agony coming from his shoulder. He screamed, and he twisted away from the source of the pain.

“Sorry,” Steve said. He was close now, speaking nearly in Bucky’s ear. “I’m sorry, Buck, I know this hurts, but I gotta do it.

More people were touching him, and then he was moving. Every time his body shifted, more sharp pains rocketed through him.

“Fuck!” Steve said, and then the pain was too much and Bucky was falling and –

 

It was warm now, but he was still moving and people were still shouting around him.

 

It was quieter, but when he tried to open his eyes, there were bright lights shining and people in blue moving around and suddenly he was tired, he was so tired, he –

 

Pain –

 

Hurts –

 

Quiet.

 

“This is terrible.”

“It was this or the McDonalds across the street! I thought this would be a better choice!”

“Is this even a salad? Can you call a salad a salad if all it has is wilted lettuce?”

“That’s practically the definition of a salad – “

“Hey,” Bucky tried to say. It came out as an embarrassingly pathetic squeak.

“Bucky!”

“Hey, man!”

Bucky open his eyes. They were dry and gritty, and he had to blink a few times to get the world to clear.

He was in a hospital room. Natasha was kneeling on the bed next to him, staring. She was wearing a dress, and her makeup was done –

Oh, fuck. She’d come straight here from her party.

Clint was standing behind her. He was even wearing a button-up shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky tried to say. It came out as a groan.

“It’s okay,” Natasha said reassuringly. “You’re in the hospital, you’re alright. Do you remember what happened?”

“Yeah,” Bucky croaked. Both she and Clint relaxed a little.

“Your mom’s on her way,” Natasha said. “She’s bringing Becca with her.”

Bucky groaned and shifted a little. His body felt fuzzy, but he could still feel the sharp edges of pain beneath that.

Natasha held up a cup of water, and she gently held Bucky’s head up so that he could sip at it. Even that felt tiring.

He blinked again, feeling sleep pulling him down. He blinked again, and –

 

He was more awake the next time he woke up.

“I ruined your party,” he tried to say to Natasha and Clint at one point. Clint groaned and pointedly fell off his chair, and Natasha just rolled her eyes and continued on with what she was saying.

She’d set his cup of water on the nightstand, and it wasn’t until he reached for it that he saw.

 

 

 

“No.”

“Bucky.”

“No.”

“Bucky.”

“No.”

“If you do it, I’ll let you go now instead of at four.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at his physiotherapist, assessing her offer. She narrowed her eyes back, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Fine,” Bucky said loftily, and leaned forward to let her continue to twist his back into excruciatingly painful positions.

“The long run,” she grunted, and shoved at his shoulder again. Bucky yelped. “Just keep thinking about the long run.”

“I hate the long run,” Bucky muttered as pain ripped through his back again. “I love the, the short run.”

“It’ll pay off,” she said. “Okay, one more time.”

She mercifully let Bucky go a few minutes later. He awkwardly pulled his bulky sweatshirt over his head again and then stumbled out the door, sweating.

He made his way through the hospital and back to his room. He collapsed on his bed, lying face down for a few minutes before he had the strength to sit up again.

Bucky turned the television on and flipped through a few channels as the pain in his body slowly started to recede again. God, he knew that physio was important but fuck, it hurt.

Twenty minutes later, he was bored again. It was another one of those wedding show marathons on TLC, and there were only so many times that Bucky could critique people’s choice of wedding dresses. He knew too much about what body shape a mermaid dress would flatter by now.

Bucky rolled back to his feet. He wandered back out into the hallway, stepping to the side as a group of nurses ran by him.

He shuffled through the hospital hallways. He tried to walk around a few times a day, but it made for a pretty depressing afternoon.

He walked past a woman sitting in the hallway sobbing, a child too young for all the tubes going into his arms, and an elderly man staring silently at the wall before Bucky cut his losses and went down to the cafeteria.

He bought a piece of stale banana bread and sat down at a table in the corner, watching doctors mill around on their lunch breaks. A few patients were slumped at their own tables, not looking at anyone. The rest of the people were family members and friends, most of which cast Bucky pitying looks as they walked by.

Bucky rolled his eyes and got up again. God, he wanted some fresh air. He was so tired of this sickly sweet hospital purified air.

He made his way through the back hallways behind the ER. There was a door propped open on one side, and there was blissfully fresh air wafting through it.

Bucky squeezed through it, taking a deep breath in as cold air rushed over him.

He was in the loading bay at the back of the ER, where the ambulances parked when they’d dropped their patients off. There were a few there now, with paramedics milling around.

Bucky leaned back against the wall. There was a paramedic sitting in the back of an ambulance a few feet away. His legs were hanging off the edge, with the back doors of the ambulance thrown open. He was eating a sandwich with one hand and looking at something on his phone with the other.

“Steve!” Bucky said. The paramedic looked up.

He stared at Bucky for a moment, his brow furrowed. Then, his eyes widened.  

 “Bucky!’ he said, nearly dropping his sandwich. “Hey!”

Bucky grinned at him. “Long time, no see.”

“How are you?” Steve asked. “You – “

Steve’s eyes drifted from Bucky’s face, down to his shoulder, down to his missing arm.

“Ah, fuck,” Steve said quietly. “Bucky, I’m so sorry.”

Bucky stared at him. “What? What could you possibly be sorry for?”

Steve looked like he was going to cry. “I should’ve… I dunno, I should’ve – “

“Steve,” Bucky interrupted. “Buddy. Okay, look. I’d be dead right now if it wasn’t for you, okay?”

“But – “

“Dead,” Bucky repeated. “Instead, here I am, basically fine. Sure, I’m down an arm, but that’s why you have two of them, right?”

Steve still looked devastated, but the corners of his mouth twisted up into a smile.

“There we go,” Bucky said encouragingly.

Steve rubbed at his face angrily. “Fuck, look at me. I should be comforting you, not the other way around.”

“Eh,” Bucky said dismissively. “It’s fine. I’m used to it by now.”

Steve still looked mournful.

“Hey!” Bucky said. “You busy right now?”

Steve shook his head. “On my break. We aren’t going back out until six.”

“Well,” Bucky said. “If you aren’t busy, now might be a good time for our date.”

Steve stared at him. “You were serious about that?”

Bucky faltered slightly. “Well, yeah, if you were?”

“Of course!” Steve said hastily. “Yeah, yeah, of course, I just… I dunno, you were suffering a lot of blood loss when you asked, so…”

“Well, I meant it,” Bucky said firmly, regaining his confidence again. “The food here is fuckin’ terrible, but the coffee isn’t bad.”

“Yeah!” Steve said enthusiastically. He hopped off the back of his ambulance, shutting the doors behind him. “’Yeah, let’s do it!”

Bucky lead the way back into this hospital, grinning. Maybe something good _would_ actually come out of this.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr [here](http://cameronwolfe.tumblr.com)!


End file.
